Tips for DC Drivers

OK, so the Beltway sucks rocks. I use it every morning now (luckily my lazy ass doesn't get out there until after rush hour), and I'd like to offer a couple of tips.

• If you are driving a rental moving van or towing your boat, you do not belong in the far left lane. The fact that everyone else is speeding is no excuse. They do that whether you're here or not. Get the fuck out of the way

• If Nicole happens to be on the road with you, please go 90 in the far left lane. That way, she can go 70 in the penultimate left lane and you will draw the ticket.

• If you are too timid to merge into swiftly moving traffic, you may want to re-assess your use of limited access highways is for you. Hint: the ramp is for speeding up, not slowing down. If you slow down and give in, you WILL wind up on the shoulder at a dead halt and totally unable to merge. If I had a dollar for every time I saw someone do this...

• The Smart Tag lanes on the toll road are free today. Go. Enjoy.